SHEED

Come see me at the Greg Johnson/Larry Murphy show tonight!!!!!

For real though, you got a few days off before the next series starts

Yeah yeah, only explosive diarrhea could keep you away, I've heard that before

Don't be cussin'. Come if you're free, you don't even live in NY

I guess I'd prefer you don't. I'm not sure you know how to act in a comedy show

It's not personal

Be mad. But please channel that shit. You gotta beast on fools in the E. Conf Finals

Get that strap!

True

POV

HORSEPOWER

I would have never spelled Hemorrhoids correctly. Is there an ounce of truth in the depiction of the treatment? This looks like a lost scene from the Beatles movie "Yellow Submarine". I can't believe that the mountains (almost identical to those featured in a flight simulator I had in about '86) representing the butt in this ad might be weirder than the hemorrhoid that has a mouth and eyes

I awoke this morning to an email alerting me to the pre-sale of an event. That event? Extreme! Not sports, the band. Just trust me, they were a band, and then the singer was in Van Halen. I'm serious, you just don't have that Van Halen record, but it exists. Look, I'm not here to argue, look it up. I'm used to presales being for shows that have a high demand. Here I was under the impression that Gary Cherone was the most hated man in Rock n' Roll. But the plot thickens, this isn't just any old Extreme concert, this is Rock n' Roll Fantasy Camp. The fantasy in this case being that you would want to rock out with Extreme. How bad are you in need of a jam session if you're going to post up at the computer, mouse in hand waiting for the presale to begin? So you can say you played "More than Words" with these bozo's? Maybe R n' R Fantasy camp has a capacity of like 8, that's gotta be it. Uh, no thanks, I'll be waiting as always for Nelson to have a camp. Although that camp might be held in a beauty parlor, I imagine those boys have to be cutting and styling by now. Ultimate Rock n' Roll Fantasy camp would have to be Ozzie teaches you how to blow rails, Axl Rose instructs how to dress, Danzig tutors on evil, Noel Gallagher on attitude, and then if you want Tom Petty will show you a few chords.

loose ends

No email found on this site will work in trying to reach me. For now please find me on Myspace or facebook. So lame.



Correction: Jesse Popp's blog has not been seized by the Feds. It's right here My mistake.

It's not been perfected but I did throw a few tracks from the Verve up on my Muxtape

Godzilla!!!!!!!!!!

The following item related to the above pic comes compliments of Jesse Popp, and because his blog was seized by the feds, I wanted to take the lead on this. Happy Birthday JW, you make it looks stupid, always!!!

New York Yankee Hideki Matsui made a rather bizarre announcement the other day, notifying the press that he was getting married to a "a 25-year-old civilian and had formerly been working in a reputable position at a highly respected company. I cannot go into further details at this current time." Nothing weird about any of that. No leads on whether he commissioned an artist to render the likeness of his new bride. My question is how many "action drawings" of Matsui's wife were hung up in the Yankee Club House that night.

I try. I mean I've spent all morning, including ending up on a blog called "queertwocents" trying to find an epic pic of Mario Lopez doing a high kick from an ad for his current run in A Chorus Line on Broadway. Google image search not delivering, flickr couldn't be bothered, and I'm at a loss...

In other news, Myspace has a new banner ad where you can click to find out when you will die. I just don't have the nuts. A mystery it remains!

Always bet on Black

Wow! Being sick is so fun! It's a feeling onto itself, not being able to breath out your nose and having to dodge snot spots on your pillow when you readjust your head throughout the night. I'd also be remiss if I didn't mention the glamor of using a warm wash cloth to break loose my encrusted nostrils in the morning. I apologize if you're reading this with breakfast. I don't get sick very often, and I can thank my less than spotless apartment for that. I figure my immune system has encountered most forms of bacteria in that place already, so this current bout must be due to some outside force.

Wesley Snipes is staring down 3 years in the Big House for tax evasion. No longer known as "Passenger 57" he will instead be assigned a new number, although his drag outfit from "To Wong Foo" might come in handy again, not even "Willie Mays Hayes" could out run the IRS, as the "U.S. Marshalls" were bound to track him down, so he will once again be a "New Jack", and he can say goodbye to "Sugar Hill" and realize that the "Drop Zone" might be his butt, I'm sure his spirits are in "Critical Condition", as nobody could call themselves "The Fan" of going to prison, but that's the kind of "Hard Luck" you're going to have when you cheat the government, and he's been sentenced so it's "Undisputed" and "Unstoppable", this "Blade" is going to jail and better hope his cellmate isn't nick named "The Demolition Man"

Here's a link to Snipes IMBD page in case you need a little help sorting out the above.

there ain't no doubt

I'm starting to see ice cream trucks. The one thing that for me, may reign supreme over seeing the skin of females as the greatest most best sign that spring is springing,and I will soon sweat all day everyday for yet another grime-factor summer in the dirty rotten apple. Mr. Softy trucks and chicks in their air out clothes. C'mon get you some.



Jumped on a 6 train today and there was a dude who appeared homeless and unconscious. What was not unconscious was the noxious odor dude was perpetrating. People were gagging. I was convinced he had fallen asleep due to all the energy he had spent raining barrels of piss over every inch of this car. He had clearly emptied his bladder over an extended period and then produced a battery powered blow drier from his cart and cooked it in, but also got very sweaty doing so and shit himself 3.5 times. Go do a hand stand in the toilet bowl of a busy park about 5pm on the 4th of July and then you will not only sympathize, but also empathize. I went mouth breather for one stop and then made the mass exodus with every other passenger on that car. It was somewhat enjoyable if only for the fact that so many people were losing their minds on the stench. I rarely condone this, but I'd have run the fire hose on this cat myself.

Inner Wolf

Hey there old friend.



Friday, July 11th is the date my Live at Gotham episode will air on Comedy Central. I'll remind you again but this should allow ample time for you to get your parties planned.



Tonight, come to Rififi in NYC! I'm doing a set on my friend Kenny Z's show called Fat Tuesday. 8pm start.


There is a 99.7% chance a major earthquake will strike California in the next 30 years. They figured that out. But upon closer review of that statement I can't help but be struck by terms like 'major', and 'next'. Have we figured out anything? Major? Major to me would be the water in my glass rumbles ala Jurassic Park. In the next 30 years? So starting when? Bunson Honeydew must have been the lead on this research. Let me summarize, there will be some type of temblor/earthquake during the next 30 years! Sounds about right. Plates are shifting, this time frame and vague strength prediction gives the Vegas odds makers plenty of room to breath. Perfect. Next, we find a half way decent method of lessening the effects of Cancer in some people during the next 17 years.